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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

"if you don't know where you're going... any road will take you there"

Lately, I've been dreaming and focusing on the future. Not only the near future, but also the far future. School, moving, my soul-mate, future children, future residence, etc.

In my life, I honestly, now, have about three mentors that I look up to and ask for advice regarding my life and my future. This includes my two sisters and my boss of almost three years, Danielle. They are all around the same age, have a child and are in serious committed relationships. Now that I've gotten my license and I'm feeling more like myself again... I'm completely future oriented again. I've decided that once my lease in Dallas is up in September, that I will be making a drastic change and moving to Austin. I've been wanting to move to Austin for years now, and I finally feel like it'll be the right decision for me. I'll be attending Paul Mitchell while in Austin and also taking a few classes at ACC (and Collin College during the summer before the move). I always get this feeling that I've been doing nothing but wasting my time. I know that I necessarily haven't been because truthfully... if I didn't know who I was and didn't have these years to figure that out completely... I would probably be a lot less happy than I am right now.  I know who I am, I know what I want to do and I know what I'm going to be doing the next few months. I'll probably be staying in Austin for a good amount of time, it'll be the perfect location for the combination of two of my passions; music and hair. I think it'll be more than a good fit, I've always thought that Austin had the perfect atmosphere. I'm ready to finally find out!

Along with my professionalism, I've been thinking about my domestic side of life as well. It's recently occurred to me that as regrettable as the way my last relationship ended, I'm kind of happy that it did. We were good together and by all means had the potential to be better than that... but, looking back... I realized that I kind of settled for someone that I haven't necessarily ever wanted. I just kind of molded him to fit my specifications. I've already written about how wonderful and thankful I am for having him in my life when I needed him the most, but when I started to grow back into myself, I knew that it wouldn't last. We were too different, in fact, he actually fit in too much with my family. I need someone that will fit in with ME. It also always bothered me that I didn't have the approval of his family, specifically his mother. I've always kind of had an idea of who I was looking for, and I guess with the given circumstances at the time, I was a little more lenient. If anyone kind of knows me, will know how difficult it is for me to open up to men. How difficult it is for me to actually WANT someone to be in my life. I'm picky. I've said before, that I wouldn't waste my time dating someone that I couldn't see in my future. I still whole-heartedly believe this. I may have had a little hiccup, but I'm back to that belief. I only want to find my equal, my soul-mate, my best friend, partner in crime, etc. I never realized how important it was to me, but I have to find someone that respects my modifications and whose family also accepts them. They are a big part of my life, and perhaps my FAVORITE part of myself. I don't think I could ever be with someone, in the long run, that didn't accept me and my mods. I also think one of the biggest things that I need is someone that knows themselves. You can't find yourself in a relationship, I know that for sure by this year alone. If you don't know who you are and what you want out of life... then you have absolutely no idea what you want out of someone else.

When I look into my future, I see having my own family. Ideally, I want to have two sons. After being around both Brittanie and Brayden, my entire views of children have changed. Kids are magical, down from their coming to being to how innocently they see the world. I can't wait to be able raise my children. Obviously, they are going to be raised a little rebellious, opinionated and initial beliefs outside of those that are 'typical.' I've been thinking a lot about religion and raising them according to a specific organized religion... even when I've said that I don't believe in any. I've been looking into Taoism and will look into more closely when I take an eastern religions class in the fall. It embodies everything that I believe in and my own personal philosophy on life. I hope to raise children that'll carry my same beliefs, but if they choose not to, I will allow them to follow their hearts and how they view their own life. I'm excited though, I feel like I have the potential to be a really good mother. AND just to clarify, I don't want children for AT LEAST another four years,  I'm just fondly looking toward the future and bettering myself for not only me, but my future family.

This was weird, too truthful and a little bit of everything that's been running through my head. I'm just really excited for my future, more than I have ever been.

4 comments:

Woosey said...

These posts are always the best I think. When people feel open enough to just say what's on their mind and really put themselves out there.
It's funny reading this, I found myself agreeing to evreything you said and I totally understand what your saying about the future. I want pretty much the same as you do. I hope that you are able to keep up this optimistic view for your future and moving to Austin sounds like a great adventure! I hope it all works out :)
You one cool lady!
www.booksartandstartrek.blogspot.com

Laura Long said...

I agree! I love hearing about what's on everyone's minds. Thank you, I hope your future works out as well! :)

Lauren said...

Its such an exciting thing when you finally know what direction you'd like your future to go in. I married when I was 20 and it was such a scary & exciting thing, and it gave me all the direction and purpose I needed. I truly believe that you can't find yourself in a relationship, because finding yourself is about your own personal relationship. And I think it is possible to do that while you're in a relationship. I learn things about myself all the time, and I have a super supportive husband who gives me all the space in the world to do so, and vice versa. I love thinking about my future and the house i'll raise my children in and where we'll go and what we'll do. Its great motivation and always puts things into perspective.

I really enjoyed your post, and I'm going to link it next week on my 'start your week off with' feature.

Lauren
http://tasteslikelove.blogspot.com

Laura Long said...

That's awesome! Congratulations on having it all figured out as well, I can't wait for that chapter in my life to come. I'm glad that you liked it and that's SO great, thank you!!

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