2012.

From the first minute of this year, it has always been pretty awful. This year has been rough... I've been through a hell of a lot, perhaps HELL being the key word. This time last year, it had only been five months since my mom passed away... it was the darkest point of my life. I look at myself in the mirror today and I see a completely different person. I see someone that has learned from grieving, loss, heartbreak... I see a woman that has confidence in herself, responsibility, stability, courage and direction toward her life. I'm becoming the woman that I've always wanted to be... and as much that it terrifies me, I'm happy to be evolving into her. I've been through a lot of shit, but I've always been able to pull myself out of the wreckage. I owe that to my mom... she taught me how to be a strong, independent and intelligent woman. I'm going to do fine... more than fine... because of her and because of me. I'm ready for 2013... I'm going to make this year exactly what I want it to be.

so, here's to 2013!

Christmas

Carolyn's Birthday in Austin

"Suburbia stop pushing... I know what I'm doing"

I am constantly on the go now... and it's not going to really slow for about another year. I have some really important and big news to tell everyone, and I figured I would write it in my blog before anywhere else. I've only really told a couple of people about it, since it's kind of making me super anxious for next year... but,

I WILL OFFICIALLY BE STARTING COSMETOLOGY SCHOOL AT THE TONI&GUY ACADEMY ON JANUARY 8TH!!

I randomly received a call the other day from them letting me know that they would allow me to use my one year anniversary, for being with the company, discount in January! I gladly accepted and yesterday went in and took my entry exams, signed paperwork and paid my entrance payment! I will officially be beginning school in less than a month! I am as excited as I am terrified. It's what I've wanted to do since I was eleven and even had wanted to do it in high school, but I finally have the opportunity and I'm ecstatic! Working for Toni&Guy has made me fall in love with not only the company, but with hairdressing even more. I feel like this will fit me perfectly and I will able to finish school before the end of next year! I'm proud of myself as well is my family. I've always told them, "I'll make it on my own, just wait and see." I finally am going to school, have my own apartment, have my license, have my car, am independent, am confident and am working two jobs. All of a sudden, I'm grown up and I've done it all my own way and on my own terms. As I was driving home from the Academy yesterday, my mom's song played on the radio... I really needed to hear it and know that she's still with me. I owe all of this to her... she's been my biggest inspiration through everything. Next year is going to be intense... but I am SO ready for it to finally be here!!

I'm content where my life is and where it's headed. I know that I've been happy with everything for a while, but it's nice to be reminded that everything happens for a purpose... and there is some kind of sense in this world. Big things next year, I can feel it!

thanksgiving

I don't know how to be anyone else or even pretend to be someone that I'm not. You get what you see when it comes to me. I wear my insanity on my sleeve… and I wouldn't have it any other way. Love me or hate me… I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I evolve from every situation that's thrown at me, sometimes I'm emotional or insane… but other times I'm insightful and completely level-headed. It's all me… and I'm exactly who I want to be. 

"let it be"

A year ago (and three days) I began my first relationship. Now, if anyone knows me or has been reading my blog for a while... you know how hard and how long it's taken me to finally be at a place where I'm okay with it ending. I would be lying if I said that I was 100% over it, even as much as I would like to say so. I fell in love for the first time. I fell quick and hard without any limitations. He was there for me at a time when I needed him. He loved me during the worst time of my life. He loved me when I couldn't love myself... and he was there when no one else could be. If he wasn't in my life last year... I really don't know where I would be right now, I can't confidently say that I'd even be alive. So, with that being said... I don't regret a single day of our relationship or even our break up. It caused me to face the pain of losing my mom and inspired me to pull myself back together. I'm grateful for everything that I learned from the whole experience. I'm not, however, thrilled that now I look at relationships and my heart very guarded and cautious... although, that's probably what's best. So here's the future, present and past relationships... they've all been apart of creating me into who I am today.

life is pretty wonderful when you allow yourself to be open to it...

I guess that's something that I've had trouble with... I guess saying that I'm a little impatient would be an understatement. I'm finally at a place in my life where I love everything that's in it. I have a job, not only that I love, but that I'll be able to grow with and have a CAREER I love. As always, I love my family and I'm very excited to announce that my sister Melissa is pregnant... with another girl! We just found out the sex on her 27th birthday last wednesday. I found out a little earlier than everyone else because I just asked Brittanie! She also told me that her new sister would be named "Auby" which in Britty language means "Aubrey!" I got to see my best friend Micah for the past couple of days, and before then it had been WAY TOO LONG. I have two of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I feel so much like myself with him, they allow me to be myself... which is what best friends are supposed to do. I'm also excited that music has become apart of my life again, which is refreshing and exactly what I've been needing. I've gone to four shows this month, which is something that I haven't done since I was in high school... I'm in love with my apartment. I love living by myself, I think this is what I should have done a year ago! I'm also back to being in love with myself... which is always something that I struggle with. The only thing that's not perfect in my life is the romance department, but let's be honest... when is that ever going right? I'm content and in love with my life right now. Nothing is perfect, but I'm making the most out of it! My goals in life are to be happy, travel the world, to be in love with my career(s), to marry my equal/best friend and have my own family... and I feel myself concentrating on those that I can work on right now. I can't believe that it's almost the new year...and I feel huge things coming next year!