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Friday, April 27, 2012

"even when your hope is gone, move along, just to make it through"

This past week has been fun, but also really stressful. With the end of the month coming up, I'm officially swapping roommates soon. My ex-roommate came to collect her belongings yesterday, I know it's going to be a very interesting summer... with that being said, everything is kind of going through a rough patch. It feels like everything is currently working against me. While that may sound a tad dramatic, I'm just feeling a little out of sorts lately. I know that I have no other choice but to smile and force myself through. It will all work out, because somehow it always finds a way to.

Not everything is terrible, but nothing is going well. I want to just escape, but I know I need to work through the knots. I'm strong enough to overcome any obstacle, I just need to remind myself. My support group is all of a sudden lacking, losing faith and falling away... but maybe I don't need anyone right now except myself. I feel like I'm doing nothing but disappointing every person that I care the most about. It seems like every person that I invest my heart into... I inevitably do something to betray them or vice versa. I feel so alone. I don't know what's caused all of this, but I don't like it. I really just want my mom. She's the only person that's ever stuck by my side and always understood how I was feeling... especially when I made huge mistakes. The year anniversary of her death keeps crawling up so fast, coincidentally while everything is coming unraveled, again. Losing the people that mean everything to you is unbearable, I've already gone through it twice in the past year, I don't know how much more I can handle. I know I will be okay, today is just one of those days and instead of keeping it bottled up... I figure it'd be more therapeutic to be released. "Nothing worth having comes easy," I will just remember that and hold on tight.

1 comment:

Adri said...

i have been feeling the same way lately! Good to find comfort in some ways. Hope things make a turn around! Those chocolates and frozen yogurt should help a little!

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