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Saturday, March 3, 2012

"follow your heart this time"

Today, well technically yesterday, I decided to make a big decision to take out my bridge piercing. I got this piercing in November of 2009. This piercing has seen a lot of struggles in my life, it's seen me go through everything. Almost every traumatic and life changing moment of my life, this piercing has been there through it all. It has witnessed every single reckless moment of my adult life. I had wanted it since I was probably around sixteen or so, and I finally got it when I was nineteen. I got it after I had my first kiss on my nineteenth birthday party. It saw me through my first hand hold, my first cuddle, my second kiss, my bruised ego, my experiment with ecstasy, kissing mistake after mistake, finding out about the girlfriend, constantly being inebriated, the drunken club nights, losing my best friend, losing my virginity, moving to Dallas the first time, attending college, having sex the second time, getting my heart stepped on, becoming best friends again, almost seeing my dreams of tour come true, quitting college, moving back to Sherman, having tour taken away, my mom going into the hospital, losing my other best friend, being ignored, my best friend losing her mom, finding myself, mommy passing away, losing myself, becoming best friends again, meeting a boy, getting my first car, getting my first real apartment, numbing myself, having sex with a boy, falling in love with a boy, drunken fights, making mistakes and me being heartbroken. It's seen every thing that keeps me awake at night. I don't want those bad or hurtful memories clouding my life anymore. I took it out today, I'm leaving behind everything that I don't want in my life anymore.

I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm stronger than this. I deserve better than all of this. I'm worth more than this too. I'll be okay, I just feel like this is symbolizing the departure from my past life. I'm going to be more guarded with my heart, I'm going to be more open about my emotions, I'm not going to hide from my fears and most importantly, I'm going to be more active about following my dreams. I'm going to be the person that I was always meant to be. I'm going to be the person that I want to be. I'm going to be the person that I've always been... just without the carelessness, recklessness and cowardliness. I'm a better person than that.

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