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Sunday, March 4, 2012

"the only thing wrong with love and faith and belief is not having it"

A year and five months ago, I moved to Dallas to attend The Art Institute of Dallas. I got a beautiful apartment and a gorgeous camera... I also got to have a taste of my true dreams. Two days after I moved into my school apartment, I got the words "Follow Your Dreams" written across my chest. These words are literal, I was reminding myself to follow my dreams... my real dreams. My dreams of going on tour and working in the music industry. I knew, even then, that I was giving up my dreams and heading down a road I didn't want. The first little taste I had from the world I wanted... I quit the lies. I quit going to school for photography and went home. I began working at my reliable job, the job that I went back to this week, and decided to want nothing but that dream. Unfortunately, tour never worked out that year. I was crushed, it felt like they would never come true. A good friend of mine, even after he crushed my dreams, told me to never give up. I was determined to never give up again.

Six months ago, I moved to Dallas again. This time, completely on my own... on my own terms. I may have moved out a little too sudden, I was just running from the memories of my mom. I was running from everything in Sherman. Not even a week into living in Dallas, I had gone to a few shows and had my friend's band stay with us. It seemed like my dreams might come true, but then, very unexpectedly... someone came along. Someone that knocked me off course, but someone that saved me at a time when I needed to be saved. He got me through the toughest months of my entire life... he came right at the time when reality started to set in; right after my birthday. I needed my mom, but I've always felt like she sent him to me. We fell in love and he loved me when I couldn't even love myself. He believed in me, when once again, I couldn't believe in anything. He helped me at a time when no one else could and took most of the weight off of my shoulders. He took care of me at my worst and I will always love and appreciate him for that. Before him, the only real dreams I ever had were about touring, but I found a dream that I wanted even more. I found myself wanting my own family, but I'm not ready for that dream yet. I have to be able to prove to myself that I made a real effort toward my first dream. In the words of my favorite band, and the main inspiration for my chest tattoo... "follow your dreams; if you don't try, you fail." Like I've said before, I've had the past worst three years of my life. The only thing that truly got me through was my belief in music, my dreams and that everything would work out... of course, with the addition of my family and my best friends. I can save myself now, and it's about time that I do. After all is said and done. After dreams are fulfilled and life has worked itself out... I hope that the person that was able to save me, will be in my life again. Maybe I'll be able to repay him for the love, strength and support that he gave me when I needed it the most. He deserves the best and I hope that he finds it... in every aspect. He's one of the greatest people that I have ever had the chance to have in my life, I'm proud to be able to call him my friend. He saved my life; love saved my life. I know that I said not too long ago that love didn't exist and that it wasn't worth it... but honestly, it's the only thing worth living for. The love for a significant other, a dream, your family and most importantly, yourself. 

To me, the meaning of life is to simply be happy. I also believe that love is the most important component of happiness.

"when I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. they told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life." -john lennon

With that being said, I don't know what life has in store for me. I guess that's the exciting, nerve-wrecking and most important part of the journey. I'm finally ready to experience life now, I'm not afraid anymore. Things happen in life that we can't control, but in the end, everything happens for a reason. I just need to hold on to that truth.

1 comment:

Sir Pip said...

I do believe I have found a kindred spirit in you, madame.

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