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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

"you're a fraud and you know it"

I don't understand how people can fall in "love" with multiple people. How does it not lose all of it's magic? How can you easily transfer all of those emotions? How can you easily say the same words to someone new... how does it still feel organic? Especially people that begin a new relationship so soon after their last has ended? Love is sacred, not something that should be thrown around so easily. I feel like it loses all it's meaning like that. Yeah, being in love is fun, I guess... but it's certainly not something that I would be in constant search of. Especially if you know the cold, hard sting of how badly it hurts when it ends. Or do these people not really ever fall in love? or at-least not the passionate, transcendental love that I believe it to be. Love is like a drug. It's great while you're feeling the effects, but as soon as you come down from the high... you only feel hollow.

Perhaps this is rambling. Perhaps I know nothing about love. I only know from experience, but I don't see myself willingly allowing myself to ever want to be in love again. I never want to feel that vulnerable again. I don't want to just foolishly give myself to another person. Falling in love sounds so good on paper, the promise of an unconditional love... but in reality it's anything but rainbows and butterflies. The thought of falling in love again terrifies the shit out of me and makes me nauseous. Like, everyone says that the "right person" is out there... but if you can share yourself with someone, let them see the most vulnerable side of you, they love you at your absolute weakest... and simply walk away when you make a little mistake... then how will anyone want to stay? Life isn't simple. we all make mistakes, we all go through shit, but the only thing that truly keeps us sane is having someone there to make the pain go away. But, if that person leaves when the going gets tough, who's to say that someone else would stay? It just seems to me that love is just a fairytale. It sucks saying that because I know four relationships in my life that are/were love, but it just doesn't seem plausible to me... or perhaps just FOR me.

I suppose if anyone ever falls in love with me again, they are going to pry my heart out of my hands. They can thank the last one for that...

1 comment:

shakti said...

I've often wondered how people "fall in love" so quickly as well. I've been in love twice and to me that feels like a lot. What's crazy to me was how different my two experiences w love are from each other. One was like a high. dizzying emotional love. The other was built out of friendship and happened so slowly and felt so differently that at first I didn't recognize it. I'm glad that I did because I'm now married to the man. Loyal love is the best and that takes time so like you said I don't know how people transfer all their emotions so quickly. Makes one wonder if it's actually love.

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