follow your dreams

Today is the year anniversary of my mom's death. It's hard to cope with the fact that she already hasn't been here for a year. There are so many things that she's already missed and so many things that still have yet to happen. I still need her here. I still want her here. Death is the worst possible thing to understand... that someone that you love and care about can just be gone. It's not fair. Everytime I see someone post about their moms, death, hospitals, graves, etc... I can't help but have my stomach drop. I feel so alone even in my own family. They don't know what it's like, she was there for their weddings, she saw their children, she met their husbands and boyfriends.... but she'll never meet mine. She'll never see me walk down the aisle. She won't be here to see me continue to grow up. I have so many emotions rushing through me, I can't even begin to explain... I want nothing more than to just have one more day with her. There's still so much that I don't know. Still so much that I need her for. Nothing even feels real. I just wish someone was here to make it all go away. I wish someone was here to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay. I want someone to care.